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The moment I first layed my eyes on you on that monitor at the ultrasound, It felt surreal. Like it was the best moments of my life. Having to hear your heartbeats makes me feel worthy. Seems like I have a purpose in life. You gave me strength in all of the tough times. Never assumed that the past months I had you was momentarily unrequitable.

I remember watching the stars just thinking how would you be when you grow up. I was grateful for every kick you graced me with. Every midnight whenever your clumsily move was a happy moment. You were my lucky charm. You gave me answers and reason to fight and stay. You made me realize of whom should I be with. You gave me all the right to be excited for the future. Made me realize that I can be me… I can do anything. I don’t need words… I just needed you. My lucky charm that gave me strength. I used to sing you every song that Dad and I used to sing. I want you to feel him even though he’s not around. I’m sorry.

You were perfect. You just looked like you Dad. You got his nose and lips. I can tell you got my cheeks and eyes, I claim it. I could have held you forever, and I guess in some ways I always will — only just in my heart and not my arms.

I love you my angel. I prepared everything for your arrival but not losing you. I need to feel you constantly to get me through the day. The angels come and took you and I want to be with you. Time will not heal the pain. I blame myself for this. If being with you means to be dead the so be it.

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